As God’s redeemed people we are called to be unique. We are called to be different. We are called to be distinct. We are called to be separate from the world.

In fact, the whole epistle of Ephesians points to the reality that we are not to live as the rest of the world lives. We live in light, not darkness. We live in wisdom, not foolishness. We walk in the Spirit, not the flesh. We are unique because we have the knowledge of God, we have the Spirit of God, and God has called us to live in distinctive ways.

That extends even to our relationships in the family. We don’t conduct relationships in the family the way the world does. We have a completely different plan and pattern. In Leviticus, when God established the standard of behavior for Israel, He pointed out this reality of uniqueness. This is what He said:

You shall not do according to what is done in the land of Egypt where you lived, nor are you to do according to what is done in the land of Canaan where I am bringing you; you shall not walk in their statutes.

You are to do My judgments and keep My statutes, to walk in them; I am Yahweh your God. So you shall keep My statutes and My judgments, which if a man does them, he shall live by them; I am Yahweh. (Leviticus 18:3-5)

In other words, you’re different. You don’t do things the way the world does. You don’t conduct your lives or your relationships the way the world does.

God has maintained this desire for His people through all time. The standards, the principles, the statutes, the commandments by which we conduct our lives before God in the family and before the world are unique. We are to have an undefiled uniqueness. We are not to succumb to the pressure of the world. We are not to listen to the world’s diagnoses of what might be wrong with people or marriages or families. We are to turn to the Word of God. We are to live distinctively.

As far as the parenting role is concerned, God’s call to distinctiveness is summed up magnificently in Ephesians:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Herein lies God’s pattern. It doesn’t sound anything like modern psychology. It doesn’t sound like the things we have been told about how to raise a child. It doesn’t sound anything like what the world is saying. And it shouldn’t, because it is divine.

The place we have to begin is with the recognition that all children come from God. God gives them to us and has given us the manual on how to raise them. Look at Genesis:

Now the man knew his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain, and she said, “I have gotten a man with the help of Yahweh.” (Genesis 4:1)

At the very outset, Eve knew who was the source of her children. She went right past Adam to God. And look at Psalms:

Behold, children are an inheritance of Yahweh,
The fruit of the womb is a reward. (Psalm 127:3)

Children are gifts from God. They are given to bring praise to His glory and to bless us. But how often do children become a heartache because God’s pattern for parents is not properly followed?

As we look at the divine standard, then, we are looking at our responsibility. And we’re also looking at the path to joy and blessing in the lives of the children and in our own lives.

The instruction in Ephesians 6:4 is given to parents. In fact, the word “fathers” is occasionally in the New Testament translated “parents.” We cannot exclude the mother at this particular point; we must include her, as she comes under the leadership of her husband. The instruction is given to the parents, because they have the responsibility to train their children to honor God.

Now, the standard that is established here is not only unique in our society – it was unique in Paul’s, as well.

There was a Roman law called patria potestas, which literally means “father’s power.” And under patria potestas, a Roman father had absolute power over his family. For example, a father could sell his children as slaves. A father could make them work in the fields in chains, if he wanted. He could take the law into his own hands to punish his children. And he could even, by Roman law, execute his own children. For as long as the father lived, there was no limit to the extent of his control.

In fact, when a child was born, it was not uncommon for that child to be placed before its father’s feet. If the father stooped to lift the child, it meant he acknowledged the child and it could live. If he turned and walked away, the child was thrown out on the street to die or be picked up and raised as a prostitute or a slave.

So Paul was writing to a world where children were abused and murdered — not so different from the world we live in today.

Against that background of ancient Roman society and the background in which we live today, we hear the words of Paul in Ephesians 6:4. And we will begin to examine the particulars of Paul’s instructions next time.

This post is based on a sermon Dr. MacArthur preached in 1996, titled “God’s Pattern for Parents, Part 2.” In addition to serving as the pastor of Grace Community Church and the voice of Grace to You, Dr. MacArthur is the chancellor of The Master’s University in Santa Clarita, Calif. You can learn more about TMU at masters.edu.