I recall finishing a class session one Friday afternoon with five questions that were focused on gracious speech. As I closed in prayer I asked my heavenly Father to remind everyone in the class, including the professor, to put their conversations during the weekend through the grid of these questions. When I returned to class on Monday, I noticed that Melanie, a generally gregarious young woman, was glumly slumped in a chair in the back row of the classroom. I approached her and inquired, “Melanie is there something the matter?” She responded, “Yes, there is—you ruined my weekend!” Since a major assignment was not due that day, I was curious as to how I so negatively impacted her weekend. “Could you share with me how I ruined your weekend?” “Well, you know how I LOVE to talk—but since I asked myself your five questions before speaking, I found that I did not have much to say. That’s how you ruined my weekend!” I finished our conversation by affirming my pleasure in her choosing to apply what I was teaching her—she simply sighed as I walked to the front of the classroom.
You may be curious as to the content of the five questions that had such a profound effect on Melanie’s weekend—I want to share them with you; however, before I do I need to place them in context. I was teaching about the biblical Multi-tasked Woman found in Proverbs 31 and challenging my students to implement the truth of Proverbs 31:24, “she opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” I encouraged them to say to anyone who begins to share information they know they cannot refrain from repeating, “Stop, please do not tell me that—I am not trustworthy!” The conclusion to the day’s lecture was a challenge to put everything they said during the weekend through the grid of five questions . . .
· Is it kind?
· Is it necessary?
· Is it true?
· Is it gossip? (Sharing private information with those who are not a part of the solution)
· Am I defending my own opinion rather than listening to the individual?
As Melanie reviewed these questions she found that she needed to allow her Lord to help her learn to speak graciously—as you consider them how would you evaluate your speech? The Multi-tasked Woman who speaks graciously exhibits some specific qualities . . .
· She uses good judgment and discretion (Colossians 4:6).
· Rather than being too aggressive or bossy, gentleness (Proverbs 15:1) and compassion characterize her words (Ecclesiastes 10:12-14).
· She possesses the ability to be kind, yet very firm, as well as the ability to maintain confidences.
· Truthfulness is evident in her relationships with others (Ephesians 4:15).
· She realizes that what she meditates upon will emerge in her speech (Psalm 19:14; Luke 6:45).
· Within her family relationships, she refuses to discredit her husband’s character and speaks with firmness, balanced with kindness and gentleness, when disciplining her children.
Having placed her speech through the characteristics for gracious speech, the Multi-tasked Woman chooses to make encouragement a part of her lifestyle—especially since it is a spiritual directive (Hebrews 10:25). She understands that the act of biblical encouragement inspires others with renewed courage, spirit, and hope and affirms individuals for who they are rather than what they do and knows the value of graciously spoken words (Proverbs 25:11). Realizing that encouragement does not thrive in a negative atmosphere, she chooses to memorize and meditate upon the portions of God’s Word that can contribute to her words being filled with blessing, graciousness, and sweetness (many of these verses are included in the Scriptures at the conclusion of this chapter). And, she acknowledges that if gracious speech is not a natural temperament attribute that it will undoubtedly take time for it to become an automatic reflex!
What type of speech emerges from your lips? As you multi-task will you purpose to ask your heavenly Father to assist you in learning to speak graciously so that your words are—“like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11)?
